a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
