I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
