You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
