He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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