Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
