I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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