I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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