I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
