allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
