He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
