So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
