apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
