i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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