I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
