Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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