he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
