Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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