May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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