She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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