I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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