we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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