My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
