Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
