Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
