She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
