Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize