i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
