Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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