They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
