he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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