her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
