2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
