Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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