You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
