he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
