i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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