Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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