just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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