mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
