Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize