That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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