dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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