I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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