I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
