Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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