everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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