I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
