She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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