so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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