You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
