My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize