Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i love accidental penises.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
