I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Dude, he turned on āLondon Bridgeā by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Iāve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I canāt even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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