Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
