I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
