I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
