Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
