also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize