I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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