I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
