I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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