you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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