just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
