I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want a musical about memes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
