I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize