I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
