He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
