Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We need to rekindle our bromance
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
