i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
