Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
