Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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