just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
