Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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