i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He passed out mid-signature
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
