Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
