If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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