if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
