The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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