i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
