But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
