I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
