I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
