i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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