he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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