how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
