he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
