yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
