So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
