Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
