I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
