do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
