I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
