I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
