So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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