It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
