Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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