Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
