well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
