Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
