I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
